Dear God,

Dear God,
I was told that you would listen to me in any language if I would call out your name. I had also been told that you would carry me in times of need.
Dear God, here in my city, every night, millions of hopeful voices call out to you, they are calling you by your supreme power... They are calling you The Great!
Dear God,
There are people dieing in my city! There people who reach out to you to save their soul, to save their future.
Dear God,
There are injustice in your name... there are people being beaten in your name!
Dear God,
Save us! Save our souls... We did not ask for much. Our guilt was to understand... to see... not to obey stupidity.

Where Is My Vote?

I am kicking and alive as we speak; but Tehran isn't! Tehran is the scene of clash between protesters and riot police!

I live in the heart of the clash: We hear gunshots, we see fire, we witness people running! Guards march on... we shut up....

I have not seen such a thing! Not even in June 1999 when Police ride into University dorms.... My friends had gotten hit.

Where is my vote? Where is the confidence I once had that WE can build this country? What happened to the cheerful faces and hopeful looks of young people?

I want my vote back! I withdraw from pseudo-electing M. A.N.! I am ashamed of my nationality for the first time in my life! I am ashamed of the vote I cast! I am ashamed!

I am frightened! My world has just ended and the life I once dreamed is a far far illusion.

I did not ask for much! I had no problem with Hejab! I did not want to go clubbing all night! I just wanted to be able to smile. to be proud of who I am, where I come from! I just wanted to...

My vote goes to...

Mr. Khatami? Nope! Wrong answer...
I have been invite by several people to join the cause and support Mr. Khatami. I even had the discussion on phone with Sunnaz.
Mr. Khatami had been my idol... in 1376 I skipped school and attended his campaigns. Back in 76, we were too trusting and we were opting for a change... the change came... and went away.
I loved him... I loved listening to him and to follow his speeches. I used to follow everything and I fantasized about a better life for women.
He did make some changes... I want to be fair. However, that did not leave us in a better place... People were hungry... and with social change, their hunger for money, for the luxury of a comfortable life grew...
We believed that "it was our right to live a good life" that we had a right to be asking for welfare since we were "intellects"
The time has changed: I do not wish to analyze the changes and the decisions that led us here; but, I wish to state the fact:
People are hungry, a hunger for food, for financial security, for "sufficient" salary.
They have the money but they can not buy anything. They can not invest. There is no hope.
And the next one to rule will have very hard days facing the situation: He has to be powerful, he has to has a "rescue" plan.
Mr. Khatami has my heart forever; but he has to assure me (a pedestrian in his chess)that he can handle the future... He has to name at least a few economists as his consultant and he has to let me feel that by voting to him, I will not actually be blaming myself for the rest of myself.
I already made the mistake twice, and I want some proof before I make the third. :)

Has it ever occurred to you that life moves on soooooo fast?

Update on the messy life on mine

The are few hundred reasons why I dont update my blog.... Quite surprisingly!
First of all blogger is playing tricks here... I can barely log in on and when I do leaving comments, or writing new post is almost impossible. Rummer has it that Google is reducing its services in Iran (which is just the cherry on top of everything else)
Anyway, that is not the main reason though... my job load had increased 200% and my pay check got reduced by 50% which is just the way it is... hence, I am looking for a new job while trying to handle the situation at work.
My thesis title got rejected again which sure means tons of new articles to be read again (have I mentioned that I have read 150 articles, 2 GigaBite information on my thesis so far?)
My friends Thesis deadline is in one month and his thesis is a base for mine so we have to work together and the stress is .... ok its nearly nerve breaking.

My thesis

The city I adore...
And finally I am working on it...
Looking at my life, I understand that nothing has ever meant more to me than it... It is part of who I am and part of whatever I will be...
Generation after generation we lived on this land, held it dear to our heart and sacrificed for it and I guess now is the time I pay my dues to the city I love: Tehran

One Foot at a time... till I drawn

Had been a long and nasty journey without you... I came to understand that in a second you can turn to a pest in the eyes of strangers.
"I like being a pest... it's better than being ignored" you mentioned one day and now...
--
Life in Tehran is getting harder passing each minute:
Dont get me wrong. I am not about to complain. after all I chose to stay.
And if it was not for the economic crisis, I would have been happy. However, when I get my relatively sufficient pay check and in 2 days, I am left pennyless!!!! life does not seem so bright!

To Sanaz

Missing home is hard... But there is a price to everything... to everyone. We have to make sacrifices in order to move on.Take the memories... hang on to them but still let the sunshine of future warm your heart.

A Letter to You

I'm afraid that it might be true... that the world is about to face a crisis like it did in 20s... Almost everyone I know, everywhere has gone through some sort of economical chaos lately.
...

What makes me frighten is: I absolutely find no hope in future. There had always been a glimpse of hope in my heart... a barely-there light which allowed me to cope with whatever nonsense that came my way... now that light has faded into darkness also.
I look over my life and I see no thrill in living it: dull, dull existence of a black and bruised heart... How could that happen to me? Me, of all the people? Me, who had always been the smile in gray, gloomy days? Me, who had been the constant ball of energizer rays? Wasn't it supposed to happen when I would reach 40?
However, now, in the moment that I have ALMOST reached whatever goal I have planned to reach all my life, I feel NOTHING. I shrug: So what? What all the glories of a success magnifies in my life? What becomes of an overachiever?
My mind just shrugs again: No emotion brings excitement... no realization of a dream shocks me... absolute indifference.
I'm frightened: the indifference in me frightens me. The symptoms are there: I have stopped writing all together... no notepads on classes, no rush of words in a taxi, no sms blogs late in the night when I wake up and can not turn on the light, no twitters in crazy work times, no blog posts... no stories. NOTHING!
ans it scares me how easy it is to be forgotten... to be left out of life. How you can vanish mentally and go into a bubble that no one can break!

A Foggy Morning Light

Dreams had been there... dark in the abyss of night...
And I was there... helpless and unable to reach beyond

El is here... 7 years and 10 days...
How could I survive?